


Addict with a Pen

by planetary_no



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ASL, AU, Blurryface, F/M, High School, M/M, Self Harm, TW:Suicide, joshler au, mute!josh, really its only in the last chapter, teenage joshler, the romance isn't the biggest focus, tw:blood, tw:homophobic slurs, tw:schizophrenia, tw:suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4608258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetary_no/pseuds/planetary_no
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh Dun changed schools a lot more than he liked. Josh Dun didn't have as much money as he liked. Josh Dun hated himself more than he liked.<br/>Tyler Joseph let the voices get to him more than he liked. Tyler Joseph didn't trust Jenna as much as he liked. Tyler Joseph wanted to die a lot more than he liked.<br/>Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph were 50 Shades of Fucked Up by themselves, but hey, 100 is better than 50, right?<br/>TW: suicide attempt/s, homophobia, mild schizophrenia/"voices", MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH<br/>Final update: March 9th, 2017.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. .01.

.01.  
*Josh’s POV*  
In middle school, most people go through the dreaded 7th grade emo phase. A fringe, eyeliner, and a constant ‘fuck you’ attitude to everything that moved. They would sulk around, thinking the world hated them and that they hated everything. Sometimes, they stop talking for a day or two, to show everyone how much they hated the world.

Most people snapped out of that phase after a few weeks or months, then look back on it years later and cringe.

Josh would’ve given anything to have snapped out of his ‘no-talking’ phase.

-

It was the first day of Josh’s senior year of high school, and, like any good fanfiction character in a high school AU, he was dreading it. There was the cliché reasons like ‘I have no friends’ and ‘_____ is just going to beat me up even more now because I still don’t have any friends’, but then there was the fact that Josh was at a new school once again. Another year full of trying to explain why he didn’t speak, and enduring the teasing and name calling, with no way to retaliate. I mean, it wasn’t like Josh could just shout back at them, now could he?

The answer is no.

Josh was currently sat in his car – well, his dad’s car, really, but that’s irrelevant – in the parking lot of Stonebridge High School. It was the largest high school in the county, yet it only held 2000 students. Last year, back in Cleveland, his school had over 5000 students, so this was a major step down.

Gazing at the building, Josh could see that the student population wasn’t the only thing that had decreased; so had the quality of the facility.

Bricks were crumbling in the corners and there was broken glass scattered across the lawn. Josh made a mental note to not stand near the edges of the building, and prayed that when he got beat up, he wasn’t thrown into the grass.

With Josh, it wasn’t an ‘if I get beat up’, it was a ‘when I get beat up’.

Because really, was there an easier target?

Once again, the answer is no.

Sighing, Josh reached over and unbuckled his seatbelt, effectively making a fool of himself when the clip hit him in the face as it retracted. Sighing again, he looked around the slowly filling lot, hoping no one had seen.

There were no large football players with cheerleaders on their arms laughing at him, yet.

Yet.

With a third and painfully overdramatic sigh, Josh climbed out of his car and retrieved his bag from the back seat. Making sure he had both his cell phone and his keys in hand, he locked the car and began the painstaking journey to the front office to retrieve his schedule.

-

Josh made it without incident to the main desk, pushing his way through the throngs of people to get there. He had gotten a few grumbled warnings, but no major death threats yet.

Seated at the counter was an ancient looking woman with her white hair pulled into a bun. She had reading glasses settled on the bridge of her nose, and she was sifting through a stack of papers seemingly as large as her sat on the floor. Josh cleared his throat, and she looked up at him instantly. Her eyes were clouded over with age, but held no animosity or anger.

“How can I help you, darling?” she asked in a gravelly voice.

Josh almost began signing out what he needed, but realized that this old woman didn’t know sign language. Instead, he motioned writing on paper with his hand.

After a moment, the woman realized what he meant, and bent down beneath the desk. She reappeared a moment later with a pen and a sheet of paper.

Josh accepted the materials with a thankful smile and quickly wrote out his situation.

‘Hi, my name is Joshua Dun. I enrolled here about a week ago and never received a schedule. Did I come to the correct place?’

He handed the paper to the woman once more, clutching to the pen still.

She read over the note once, twice, and a third time, then nodded.

“I’m going to send you to the principal's office, they have your schedule as well as a translator there,” she explained, standing up. “You can just follow me, sweetie.”

Josh hiked his bag a bit farther up his bag and followed the elderly lady down a short hallway. She then ushered him into a small office. It was roughly half the size of his bedroom, and held only a bookshelf and a desk with two chairs.

The woman shut the door behind her with no explanation to the man behind the desk, whom looked up at Josh in surprise.

“Can I help you?”

Josh panicked for a moment, not knowing what to say. Or rather, write. Not that he had anything to write on.

‘I’m Joshua Dun,’ he signed slowly.

The man cocked his head to the side slightly, frowning. “Can you do that again please?”

Josh repeated his movements, blushing fiercely.

“Hi Joshua, it’s nice to meet you. I apologize, my sign language is rather rusty and to be honest, I wasn’t expecting it,” he said afterwards. “You can take a seat right there, I’ll find your schedule. It’s in here…somewhere…”

As Josh sat in the chair opposite the man, he rifled through a drawer in his desk.

“Forgive me Joshua, I’m usually more organized than this, but it’s the beginning of the year, and I was just married, and things are a bit hectic,” the man said sheepishly.

‘It’s alright,’ Josh signed when the man made eye contact with him again.

“Oh, I forgot to ask, forgive me if I seem out of place, but you aren’t er, deaf, right? I feel as though I should’ve asked before I went on talking.”

Josh shook his head before replying. ‘I can hear, I just don’t speak.’

The man nodded before returning to rummaging through his desk.

“Ah, here we go,” he finally said, handing a sheet of paper to Josh. On it held his student ID, locker and combination, and classes for the rest of the year. Scanning the classes, Josh frowned, pointing to the fifth period class.

“Hmm?” the man asked at his confusion.

‘I didn’t sign up for music. I asked for a work experience period.’

“Oh, yes, about that,” the man trailed off. “We had too many students leaving campus for work experience already, and with your late enrollment… well, fifth period music has only six other students in the class. If you ask the teacher nicely, I’m sure he’ll let you leave for work experience.” He paused, smiling. “But shh, you didn’t hear that from me.”

Josh frowned again. What kind of school was this, with a principal that encouraged students to leave campus without permission?

“Oh, forgive my horrid manners, I’m Mr. Urie, but you can call me Brendon if you’d like. Most people do, and those that don’t just make fun of my last name. You can’t imagine the amount of times that I’ve been called Mr. Urinal,” he added, shuddering.  
‘I’ll stick with Brendon.’

“Good choice. Now, there are a few students here that know ASL, if you’d like me to change one of their schedules to coincide with yours, it wouldn’t be a problem.”

Josh was shaking my head before he finished. ‘I don’t want to be a bother. I can write out responses if worse comes to worse.’

“Are you sure?” Brendon asked, a line appearing between his eyebrows.

He nodded again as the first bell of the day rang.

“Alright. I’ll be here all day if you need me. Have a good day, Joshua.”

‘You too.’

Josh stood up and readjusted his backpack, then set off to find the science wing for AP Physics.


	2. .02.

*Josh’s POV*

AP Physics was bound to be hell for Josh. He knew from the moment that he walked into the room that it would be his least favorite class of the day.

Sat in directly the middle of the room were three large boys. And by large, Josh meant LARGE. One was wearing a long sleeved shirt, and his muscles were practically bursting out of it. Another one was on par with the first, but the third was a bit lankier. His arms were hid beneath an oversized sweater, similar to Josh’s.

Josh was fairly muscular, but he was short and skinny, which took away any ounce of intimidation he had in him. He wasn’t scary. Hell, he had bright blue hair, for crying out loud.

Josh realized he had been standing in the doorway for at least a minute, just staring into the classroom. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat and made his way to a desk. He had been to enough new schools to know that the teachers intentionally called on the students that sat in the very back rows, so he sat close to the door in the second row.

No one was sat even remotely close to him, so when someone tapped his shoulder, he nearly shot out of his chair.

Josh turned around and came face to face with the boy in the sweater. He had light brown hair, but half of it was dyed pink. He hid his hands behind a gray and black striped sweater that was a bit frayed around the edges from constant wear.

“Hey, my name is A-Alex,” the boy said quietly with a small smile. “I just wanted to say that I really l-like your hair.”

After that quick proclamation, the boy, Alex, scurried back to his seat and jumped back into conversation with the muscle-y boys. When he glanced over at Josh, he sent Alex a smile of gratitude. Alex smiled back hesitantly.

Josh turned back towards the front of the classroom, studying the SMARTBoard there. On it, in plain black printed capital letters was the name ‘MR. WALTER’. The man himself, Mr. Walter, was sat at his desk, his nose buried in a leather bound book. The faded print on the cover was invisible to my eyes from where he was sat, but Josh idly wondered what it was. Was he reading Moby Dick? Romeo and Juliet? His lover’s diary? Only he knew.

Josh watched with little curiosity as the rest of the seats in the Physics room slowly filled. Mostly everyone was wearing some form of jacket. It was uncharacteristically cold in Ohio for late August, and it was even colder inside the school. Josh wondered if the school had a heating system. One school he went to in Maryland for middle school didn’t have any air conditioning. It got so hot there in the summer that they actually ended earlier than anyone else in the county. The building would reach 100 degrees and upwards on sunny days.

Josh saw friends reunite across the room, hugging and shaking hands, choosing a group of desks near each other, taking over that part of the room.

The cliques soon became evident to Josh.

There were the semi-popular boys that he had seen when he first walked in, with the boy with pink hair, Alex. No one went out of their way to be rude to them, and many people came up and said hello.

Then, there were the popular ones that occupied the back row. They consisted of about three girls and five boys. The girls were obviously airheads, but one held a slight glint in her eyes that showed that she was the leader. She scanned the rest of the girls in the classroom as she clung to the arm of a jock with badly spiked hair. Like seriously, Josh could see the gel from where he sat.

Scattered around the rest of the room, taking up three to five tables each, were the others. The nerds, the wannabes, the meth-heads, and the emos.

The nerds all had their heads buried in textbooks and binders, much like the teacher. The wannabes were trying to capture the attention of the head popular girl. The meth-heads were laughing over something on one of their phones. The emos all had one headphone in. Some were on their phones, others were making idle conversation.

And then there was Josh.

He was the only on in the entire classroom that was sat alone. As the first period late bell rang, it seemed as if he was going to stay that way.

Mr. Walter marked his page in his apparently riveting book, stood, and shut the door. The talking across the classroom slowly halted as he clasped his hands behind his back in the front of the room.

“Alright everyone, we’re going to go around the room and introduce ourselves. I’ll begin. My name is Walter Arth. You can call me Mr. Walter, or drop the ‘Mr.’, but don’t call me Mr. Arth. It sounds so stupid, honestly,” the teacher said, beginning to pace the front of the room. “We’re going to continue with introductions, starting in the back row.”

The girl sat in the back left corner stood up and flipped her hair over her shoulder, batting her eyes. She introduced herself as Taylor, then sat down. The next girl stood, and it went on.

The class learned that the popular girl with the mean eyes was named Jenna. The boys in the middle of the room were Rian, Zack, and Alex.

Then, it was Josh's turn.

Josh stood up shakily, hitting his hand on the desk. He hissed in pain, then looked around the room, not knowing what to do.

*Fuck it,* He thought, and began signing.

‘My name is Josh,’ he signed slowly, directing it towards the teacher.

Mr. Walter frowned. It was obvious that he didn’t know ASL. Josh glanced across the rest of the room, shakily repeating his movements, hoping someone understood.

Josh went bright red and went to sit back down, snickers erupting from the back row.

“He said that his name is Josh,” someone in the middle of the room said.

Josh’s eyes shot to where the voice had come from, and he locked eyes with the pink haired boy, Alex, once again.

“Thank you, Alex,” Mr. Walter said from the front. “Josh, please stay after class.”

And with that, the class finished introducing themselves. Everyone kept giving Josh dirty looks when they thought he wasn’t looking. He could hear the whispers about him. Occasionally, someone would shush them, but they would be met with a “don’t worry, he can’t hear us anyway, he’s deaf”. Josh kept his head down, blood colouring his face the entire period.

Mr. Walter took the rest of the period to explain the expectations for the year, but Josh tuned it out. He took out a pen and began doodling on his hand to pass the time. Once the bell rang and everyone exited the room for second period, he stood and went to Mr. Walter’s desk.

The teacher looked up with sympathetic eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said slowly, loudly, like he was speaking to a five year old, “I wasn’t informed I was going to have a student with impaired hearing.”

Josh resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He grabbed a piece of loose-leaf paper from the man’s desk and quickly scribbled out a response.

‘My hearing is just fine, sir. My vocal cords were damaged, that’s all.’

Mr. Walter read the note and blushed fiercely. “I’m sorry, I just figured since you used sign language…”

‘Not everyone who uses ASL is deaf. May I go now?’

The teacher nodded, blushing again. “Have a nice day, Josh.”

I nodded back, mouthing ‘you too’.


	3. .03.

*Josh’s POV*

By lunch time, Josh was done.

Well, not literally. He wasn’t a steak.

Metaphorically, he was completely done with this entire school.

He had taken to just keeping a piece of paper in his bag that said ‘My name is Josh, no I’m not deaf, no I can’t speak’ to avoid having to write it out every 55 minutes when he reached a new classroom.

Josh was done.

Honestly, what kind of school didn’t inform the teachers that they would have a student speaking (metaphorically, of course) ASL? Apparently, the same kind that was run by a principal that encouraged students to just leave campus if they didn’t get the classes they wanted.

Josh had heard rumors and stories all day about the infamous Mr. Urine. He had apparently been accused of having an affair with a student a few years back, but the police couldn’t charge him for it because they hadn’t had sex. He also learned that somehow, the board of education did not fire him, and he had ended up marrying the student over the summer, whom was now 21 and of a perfectly legal age.

No one seemed fazed by the fact that the principal had married a student, or the fact that the student had been a boy by the name of Ryan Ross. In fact, there was little to no homophobia here. Josh wondered if it was because Brendon could have them expelled for it.

There seemed to be very few rules at the school. From the teachers that Josh has had so far, everyone was very laid back. He didn’t even have homework yet.

Currently, Josh was seated outside on a bench. It was lunch time, and the courtyard was buzzing with student life. The indoor cafeteria was even busier.

To Josh’s surprise, the air outside was thick with smoke. Not enough to be visible, but enough that if a teacher walked by an open window or opened the door, someone would get in trouble.

Josh looked around the yard, searching for the smokers. He looked for a group, because surely, one person couldn’t make this much smoke in ten minutes.

His gaze settled on a group of people, clad in black, facing away from the school. Josh could faintly hear punk music coming from their corner near the large oak tree. The slight haze in the air seemed a bit thicker over there, so Josh figured that it was safe to assume that they were the smokers.

He turned back to the book laying open in his lap. Hopefully, if anyone noticed the nicotine in the air, they would assume that Josh had nothing to do with it. After all, he was just a mute kid with his head buried in a book, right?

Josh tried his hardest to focus on his book, but if you asked him and he miraculously replied, he couldn’t even tell you the title.

His mind kept drifting, away from the fictional world he held in his hands, and back to nothing in particular. He idly wondered what his next period would be like. He had music, with only six other people, according to Brendon. He wondered if the teacher was nice. Most music teachers were, but Josh could never be too sure. So far, today he had been to Physics, Calculus II, History, and English 12. Remaining in the day he had Music and then an early dismissal. Josh had taken most of the classes he needed to graduate in the past three years, leaving his final year fairly short.

That’s why he had signed up for a work experience period; so he would get to leave after lunch and have the whole afternoon off.

He had planned on getting a job after school today, but the hunger pains in his stomach now were pushing potential job hunting to the side in favor of finding a cheap fast food place.

The bell signaling the end of lunch rang, and Josh stood, shoving his unread book back into his back pack. He pushed his way inside, silently telling his grumbling stomach to be quiet.

Just one more period.

-

Josh walked into the music room a few minutes later. At the back of the room was a boy with bright red hair that looked like it needed to be washed. He was fiddling with a speaker. The speaker had a long cord running from it, connecting to a microphone that the boy held loosely in his hand.

There were two students already seated next to each other, on the other side of the room of the boy with red hair. A boy and a girl; they were holding hands. Josh recognized the girl as Jenna from his Physics class, the one with the mean eyes.

In first period, she had been holding a different boy. Josh took note of that fact, then found a seat.

He chose a seat in roughly the same area as he had for all his classes. Near the front, close to the door. As he sat, he looked at the boy Jenna was holding hands with.

He looked… average. Nothing like the burly football player she had been all over this morning. Was she cheating on this boy with the jock? It was possible. The aforementioned boy had brown hair, teased into a quiff on the top. It was shaved on the sides, but was in desperate need of re-doing. As he talked to Jenna, the hand that she wasn’t holding twitched nervously. It darted up to his hair, tugging on it absently. Jenna reached over and took the boy’s other fidgeting hand, rolling her eyes slightly.

Josh thought that she was annoyed by this boy who she appeared to adore.

Three more boys walked into the room. They looked like the ones that had been smoking outside at lunchtime, and the odor they gave off as they walked past Josh’s desk confirmed his assumptions.

They instantly walked over to the boy with the vibrant hair in the back of the room. Josh assumed that they were friends by the way conversation started quickly. One boy had on a t-shirt with words written in Puffy Paint across the front. ‘Who the f*@# is Jack Barakat?’ Josh assumed that the wearer’s name was, in fact, Jack Barakat. The other two boys had on leather jackets.

One final person entered the room. She was wearing a tight neon skirt and a plain white v-neck, paired with a pair of knee-high boots. She scanned the room, much like Josh had. Her eyes settled on Josh, sitting alone on his side of the room, and took a seat next to him.

“Hi! My name’s Hayley. You must be Josh,” she said instantly. “I heard from Alex that you were gonna be in this class; he looked at your schedule in first period when he said hi, by the way, and told me that I should hang out with you. At first I was worried that I wouldn’t recognize you, y’know how there’s so many people here, but he said that you had blue hair, and wow, it’s hard to miss. Oh, he told me that you don’t talk, so don’t worry about that. Did I mention that I’m Hayley? I think I did…”

Josh couldn’t help but smile at the rapid pace of which she spoke. She looked so excited to tell him all of this, and she was tripping over herself to say it all.

Josh took out a piece of paper and began to write out a response, but Hayley stopped him.

“No no, I know ASL!” she said excitedly. ‘See?’ she signed as an afterthought.

‘How do you know ASL?’ Josh signed back.

‘Alex has a speech impediment, and sometimes it’s easier for him to just sign. I learned for him,’ she replied quickly. Her hands moved with the grace and speed of someone that was fluent in ASL and had had a lot of practice.

She made Josh feel a lot more welcome. At a few of his past schools, Josh had been the only student to use sign language, and it got kind of lonely.

‘Do you want me to introduce you to them?’ she asked. She pointed over to the boys who were still talking in the back. ‘They’re my friends.’

Josh nodded hesitantly, and Hayley quickly called them over. The boy with red hair went to the front of the room.

“Guys, this is Josh. He uses ASL, like Alex,” she said, beaming. “Jish, these idiots are Pete, Frank, and Jack.”

Josh had been correct, Jack was in fact wearing the Puffy Paint shirt.

“Hey man,” Pete said with a welcoming smile. “Sorry about Hayley, she’s hyped up on caffeine. She gets kinda nuts.”

‘She’s fine,’ Josh signed, looking at Hayley.

“He says that it’s fine because I’m beautiful,” Hayley translated.

“You’re not the only one that knows sign language here, Hail, I know he didn’t say that,” Jack chided.

As the bell rang, Hayley let out a loud, gleeful laugh.

Maybe music wouldn’t be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated <3  
> -stay alive-


	4. .04.

*Tyler’s POV (wOwZa sOmEtHiNg NeW)*

All throughout the day, Tyler had been catching glimpses of a new student. They were fairly uncommon here; everyone had gone to elementary school together, everyone’s grandparents were toddlers together, and more than ¾ of the freshmen were younger siblings of the upperclassmen.

Tyler assumed that he was a freshman, from his height and quiet nature. Still, he watched the boy in the halls.

No new families had moved to their small town over the summer. He wondered if the boy had moved into the foster home by the train tracks, or if he was someone’s cousin who got kicked out of his own home.

Tyler wasn’t the only one who was talking about the new boy. Hell, he was practically the talk of the entire school. How he didn’t notice was beyond Tyler.

At least, he assumed that the blue haired boy hadn’t noticed. The boy hadn’t changed his demeanor all day. He kept to himself, his head pointed downwards in the halls and his hands in his pockets. Tyler wondered how no one had picked on him yet. After all, there didn’t seem to be an easier target.

So far, Tyler hadn’t seen any freshmen get beat up. There seemed to be a larger than usual sibling ratio in the underclassmen, and the jocks had realized that. If they whaled on the wrong kid, they could get in serious trouble, from not only the teachers, but the older sibling, the kid’s parents, and his own parents.

The town of Stonebridge, Ohio was a close-knit community. There were an abundance of seniors this year because nearly half of the women in the town got pregnant at the same time. Tyler had grown up with these kids.

Tyler was sitting in his second to last class of the day, 5th period. He was holding hands with Jenna, his girlfriend, as she talked nonstop about some trivial thing concerning the wannabes.

The cliques were evident at Stonebridge High. Tyler hung out with the popular crowd, but only because of Jenna.

Jenna Black was easily the most beautiful girl in the school. She was captain of the girls’ soccer team as well as the cheerleading squad. She had these piercing eyes that made sure she got what she wanted without argument. The boys chased after her with taunts and tempting arguments, claiming that she could do a lot better than the boy who tried to kill himself in the 7th grade.

And to be honest, she really could. Tyler wasn’t anything special. Why Jenna stayed with him was unknown to him, but he was glad that she did, even if it was only a high school fling before college started and the real boys showed up.

Jenna had already been accepted at her first choice college in California, on an athletic scholarship. Tyler, however, was hoping to just make it through the school year. He wasn’t even considering going to college.

His parents would be furious, but they would have to deal. Shouldn’t their child’s mental health come before anything else?

-

Tyler was staring off into space when he walked in.

No, not Jesus.

The boy with blue hair.

He stood in the doorway for a moment too long, taking in the room. He glanced at Mr. Way in the back, then at Tyler and Jenna.

Tyler tried to stare straight ahead like before, but it was hard with the boy’s gaze on him.

Tyler watched from the corner of his eyes as the boy found a seat, close to the door. He soon fixed his gaze back on the couple by the windows. Tyler could tell that he was looking at Jenna first, but then felt his stare shift to himself.

Tyler felt the need to act semi-normal with the new boy’s gaze on him, so he began talking to Jenna.

“When do tryouts start for cheerleading?” he asked suddenly. He lifted one hand to his head to tug on his hair a little bit. He saw that his hands were shaking ever so slightly.

Jenna gaze him a look of exasperation. “I’ve told you four times already, Tyler,” she said, rolling her eyes. She grabbed Tyler’s shaking hand and held it, squeezing them gently. “Are you alright? You’re usually pretty spacey, but not like this.”

Tyler’s gaze flickered to the three boys walking into the room and felt the blue haired boy’s gaze leave him as well. He tried to turn his attention back to his girlfriend.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I’m just…” Tyler trailed off. He wasn’t going to say that he had spent his whole day hoping to have a class with the new kid, or that he watched him walk to his classes in the halls. That was creepy.

“Is it getting bad again?” Jenna asked warily. “Is… is uh, is he back? Like, you-know-who?”

Tyler snorted. “You can say his name, he’s not Voldemort.”

Jenna gave him a serious look. “I feel stupid enough talking about something like this in the first place, I’m not going to give it a name.”

The boy sighed, his hands twitching again. “No, Blurry is not back. He’s still here, but he’s under control.”

“Good,” Jenna said, turning to look at the door. “Oh my god, he has this class?” she asked, disgusted. “That kid over there, with the blue hair, his name is Josh. He’s like, mute or deaf or something. He has to write out anything he wants to say, or have someone translate it for him. In first period, this queer kid Alex did it. Josh just like stood up and did that weird hand thing and everyone laughed. It was so funny, he looked like he was going to cry.”

Tyler felt sorry for the boy. People were making fun of him already, and it wasn’t even 1pm on the first day. He also was mad at Jenna, for laughing at Josh.

“He probably can’t help it, J,” Tyler said.

“Help what?”

“The fact that he doesn’t talk.”

Jenna made a face. “Sure he can. He’s probably just going through his emo phase late, like those queers back there,” she said, gesturing to where Pete, Frank, and Jack were talking to Mr. Way.

Tyler’s gut twisted with the words Jenna was so casually throwing at them. They didn’t deserve that. He was going to say something, but a vibrantly colored girl walked in and immediately pounced onto Josh. Tyler recognized her as Hayley Williams, the neon fanatic.

Jenna snorted again and released Tyler’s hands, turning to dig through her bag for her phone, most likely. Tyler watched as Hayley fluidly transitioned from talking a mile a minute, to talking with her hands. He watched as Josh’s eyes lit up as he signed something back. Hayley then called Pete, Jack, and Frank over, obscuring the blue haired boy from Tyler’s gaze.

As Mr. Way made his way to the front of the room, a single thought ran through Tyler’s head.

*He’s pretty.* Tyler jumped when he realized that that wasn’t his voice.

It was Blurryface’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slower updates for a while bc school is starting in roughly 13 hours )))))):  
> Also I'm skipping revising my summer work to update this again hA love me


	5. .05.

*Josh’s POV*

Hayley and Pete were a cute couple.

Technically, they weren’t dating, but Josh thought they should. He even expressed it to them; well, Hayley at least. She just laughed.

“Nah, it’s weird around here, dating wise. I’ve known these idiots my whole life; I don’t think I’d be able to go out with any of them,” she said, leaning farther into Pete’s arms. They were sat on one chair, and Pete had his arms wrapped around Hayley’s waist. They were practically cuddling.

Pete nodded in agreement. “Hail is basically the little sister that I didn’t want when we got her, and still don’t want now.”

“Hey!” Hayley complained, jerking forward. “You love me.”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Pete sighed, pulling the neon girl back against his chest.

Hayley smiled contentedly, and Josh was left to shake his head at them.

Frank and Jack laughed at Josh. ‘Don’t worry bud, we feel the same way,’ Jack signed when Hayley wasn’t looking. ‘We’ve been trying to set them up for years.’

‘Really?’ Josh signed back.

‘Potato.’

Josh paused, frowning. ‘Potato?’

‘What?’ “What are you talking about, man?” Jack asked aloud. “Potatoes?”

‘You literally said potato,’ Josh signed profusely. ‘Seriously!’

“Oh, shit,” the boy muttered. “My ASL is actual rubbish dude, you gotta cut me some slack. My mind said ‘yes’, but my hands said ‘potato’.”

Josh grinned, laughing silently. ‘You’re good, it’s hard to understand sometimes.’ Even though ‘yes’ is the most basic command, he added in his head.

“Yo Jack, can you translate for me? I feel left out,” Frank asked, butting into the conversation.

“Sure,” Jack replied, glancing at the soon to be lovers that were Pete and Hayley. “I just misspoke and said ‘potato’ instead of ‘yes’, and J here was making fun of me.”

Frank looked at Josh, smiling. “That sounds like Jack. He’s a total airhead. Once, in like fourth grade or some shit, he tried to bleach his hair or something and ran out of bleach halfway through… ended up with skunk hair until it grew out.”

Jack blushed bright red. “Hey, Miss Jackson said it looked cool!”

“She totally did not! I was in your class, you used tampon.” Frank turned to Josh. “Barabitch here had the BIGGEST crush on Miss Jackson. On Valentine’s Day that year, he was going to ask her out on a date via this elaborate card, but ended up giving the card to the wrong person. It went to some girl with an under-bite and an obsession with voodoo dolls.”

Josh bit back a laugh, glancing at Jack, who was staring at Frank in absolute horror. “I told you to not tell anyone!”

“Oops,” Frank replied with an angelic smile. “I must’ve forgotten.”

“Boys, and Hayley, I’m going to start teaching now, so if you could kindly shut the hell up, it’d be greatly appreciated.”

Josh looked to the front of the classroom, where the boy with red hair was stood. With a start, Josh realized that the boy he thought was a student was actually the teacher. The name plate on the desk read Mr. Way. Idly, Josh wondered if it was the man’s first year teaching.

Frank immediately stopped talking and devoted all of his attention to the red haired instructor.

“Talk about crushes on teachers,” Jack whispered to Josh.

Josh smiled again, but turned to face forward like Frank had.

Mr. Way was perched on the edge of his desk now, examining his fingernails. The room fell silent, until he seemingly remembered that he had to teach.

“Right, class, teaching,” he said, scanning the room. “Uh, I suppose we can just go around the room and introduce ourselves and state our chosen instrument. For example, I’m Gerard, and I sing. Hayley, would you please begin, and remove yourself from Mr. Wentz’s lap?”

Hayley giggled and moved herself to her own desk. “I’m Hayley Williams, and I have killer vocals.”

“I’m Pete Wentz,” Pete continued, “and I play bass and sing.”

“Barakat is the name, and shredding is the game,” Jack said, grinning. “If you know what I mean,” he added, throwing a wink in Jenna’s direction. She made a gagging noise in response.

Mr. Way snorted from the front of the room, then nodded to Frank.

“I’m Frank, and I play guitar and scream sometimes.”

When it was Josh’s turn, he tapped on Jack’s shoulder.

‘Can you translate for me?’ he signed quickly.

‘I’ll try.’

‘I’m Josh Dun, and I can sort of play drums.’

“Blue dude here is Josh Dun, and he can ‘sort of’ play drums. Also, he can’t talk, so I’ll be his translator for the rest of forever,” Jack said out loud.

Mr. Way nodded, then looked over at Jenna and the other boy.

“I’m Jenna Black, and I sing,” Jenna said, flipping her hair. From the way she spoke and carried herself, Josh had guessed that.

“I’m Tyler Joseph, and I play piano, sing, and rap.”

Tyler.

The name suited the boy, Josh thought. It was very simple, very plain, much like the owner. But, he didn’t seem like the typical fuck-boy that the name generally belonged to.

“Alright, cool, cool. So, since there’s only like seven of you, it’s gonna be a really easy year. Also, since all of you are seniors and I know it’s your last period, I don’t really care if you leave early. All I ask is that you give two presentations, one at the end of both semesters. They can be covers or original songs, you can work in groups if you’d like, I don’t really give a shit. As long as everyone performs something, you’ll pass the class. Cool?” Mr. Way explained, returning to sit on his desk again.

Everyone nodded, Josh included. He almost wasn’t upset that he hadn’t gotten his work experience period.

“Alright, I know that it’s been a boring day, so you guys can just… do whatever for the rest of class,” Mr. Way added, waving his hand aimlessly. “Leave, if you want.”

Jenna immediately stood up, fishing her keys out of her bag. “I’m going home before practice,” she announced. “Bye, losers. Bye, babe.” She gave Tyler a quick peck on the cheek, then left without another word.

“Yeah, its fine, I’ll find another ride home,” Tyler called after her in a sarcastic tone. “Bitch,” he muttered.

“How’d you end up with Satan there?” Mr. Way asked Tyler.

He shrugged. “We’ve always been friends, and our families are friends too, it just seemed logical.”

“Logic doesn’t mean love, Joseph.”

Tyler shrugged again. “I know.”

Josh turned back to the conversation around him and tried to focus on his newfound friends. Pete and Hayley had returned to cuddling, and Frank and Jack were talking about something that had happened in middle school. Josh was lost, and it didn’t seem like anyone was going to stop and catch him up to speed, so he reached into his backpack and grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper.

He stood up and walked across the room to where Tyler Joseph was sitting.

-Can I sit here?- Josh scribbled quickly, shoving the paper in Tyler’s direction.

The boy read the note, then nodded.

“You’re Josh, right?”

Josh nodded. -And you’re Tyler?-

“Yep. Nice to meet you. Your hair is really cool, by the way.”

Josh grinned. -Thanks. I like yours too-

Tyler brought a shaking hand up to his own head, tugging on his hair slightly. Now that Josh was sat closer, he saw just how much the boy’s hand trembled. Was he cold?

-Are you okay?-

“Hm? Oh,” Tyler said, glancing away from Josh. “Uh, yeah.”

-Are you cold? Bc I have a jacket if you want it…-

“No no, I’m just, uh…” Tyler trailed off. His eyes seemed to glaze over for a second. He blinked a few times, and Josh could’ve sworn that his irises grew a couple shades darker over those few seconds.

“Have you ever heard of La Dispute?” Tyler asked suddenly.

Josh shook his head slowly.

“They’re really good,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Do you want to hear them?”

Josh shrugged before nodding. Tyler smiled slightly, then rummaged through his backpack, producing his phone and a pair of headphones a moment later. He tapped on his phone for a couple seconds before plugging the headphones in and handing an earbud to Josh.

“This song is called ‘King Park’,” he said as the song began to play. “It’s like a seven minute long song, but it’s really good.”

Tyler and Josh sat there for the rest of the period, listening to La Dispute. When the bell rang, Josh almost fell off his chair.

He handed Tyler back the earbud, then scribbled out a quick phrase.

-I’m gonna have to listen to more of them later. Thanks for the obsession-

Tyler laughed. “Glad to help.”

Josh made his way back over to his seat. He donned his backpack and started for the door, but remembered what Tyler had said to Jenna earlier.

-Hey, do you need a ride?- Josh wrote out quickly. He ran back over to where Tyler was standing, staring out the window.

Tyler scanned the note, then met Josh’s eyes, biting his lip. “I don’t want to be a bother or anything… I mean, I’m sure your parents want to know how your first day went.”

Josh shrugged uncomfortably. -It's not a big deal-

“You sure?”

The blue haired boy nodded.

“Okay, sure. Thank you,” he added, meeting Josh’s eyes again.

Tyler’s eyes didn’t match his personality. He looked like a fairly happy person, but his dark eyes were sad and broken. As they walked to Josh’s car together, a line from a song Tyler had played repeated in Josh’s head, over and over again.

‘Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo I know this took forever but hey they're meeting finally???? is this what you wanted??????? its also longer than normal so yay??????????????????????


	6. .06.

*Josh’s POV*

(A word of warning, Tyler’s POV’s won’t be very common, only when something important happens so beware)

Tyler chatted with – at? – Josh on the way to the blue haired boy’s car. He talked about growing up in Stonebridge, about his siblings and his mom, about how his dad wasn’t around much anymore, about how the weather would only get worse from here on. He asked Josh a series of rapid fire yes/no questions too.

“Are you from around here?” Tyler asked.

Josh hesitated, thinking. He was from Columbus, which was a long way from Stonebridge. So, he shrugged, making a hand gesture that implied ‘sort of’.

Tyler perked up a little bit. “Cleveland?”

Josh shook his head, no.

“Oh. I’ve always wanted to go there,” he sighed, his shoulders falling a bit.

If there was ever a time that Josh wished that he could speak the most, it was then and there. He wanted to be able to describe Cleveland in great detail to this seemingly broken boy. He wanted to tell him how the city’s lights shined so brightly at night, and how the people passed you by on the streets without a second glance. He wanted to convey how beautiful, yet terrifying it was, especially living alone. How you could go out at 3am on a Wednesday and still find a party to go to, an open bar, a corner coffee shop, anything.

“Are you from Ohio?” Tyler asked.

Josh nodded.

“That’s pretty cool. Did you move here over the summer with your family?”

Josh stopped walking for a moment, tripping slightly from the hiccup in his normal stride. It wasn’t like he could explain exactly how he was here; not with a yes or no answer.

“Oh, the parking lot is this way,” Tyler interjected, not noticing Josh’s misstep. “Which one is yours? Do you want to come over and hang out for a while? I mean, you don’t have to; it’s up to you, really. I probably sound really weird, asking for a ride home, then asking if you want to stay… but I mean, my mom would probably want to meet you, she’s pretty cool, but like, you don’t have to if-”

Josh cut Tyler off by gently touching his shaking forearm. He nodded and smiled softly. Tyler grinned back.

“Cool, now, lead the way, Mr. I-Have-A-Car.”

-

The car ride to Tyler’s home was a quiet one. Tyler had talked in the beginning, and Josh had turned down the radio to be respectful. But, now that the other boy was only speaking to say ‘turn here’ or ‘that one’, it was a quiet ride. Josh felt too awkward to turn the radio back up, so they sat in silence.

“It’s the one with the yellow door,” Tyler said, pointing at a house down the street a ways. “My mom really likes sunflowers, so she painted the door the same color. Now, even in winter, she has a sunflower.”

Josh smiled in response. The Joseph family seemed a tiny bit dysfunctional, yet warm and close-knit at the same time. He wished his family was like that.

Josh pulled his father’s car into the Joseph’s driveway, putting it into park beside a silver minivan.

“I don’t know why my mom still has that thing,” Tyler said sheepishly, referring to the beaten up van. “At one point, we needed it, with Madison, my brother, her, dad, and me running around everywhere. But now that dad isn’t around and Madison rides with her friends everywhere, it’s really only mom and I. She could get a hybrid but…” he chuckled.

Josh noticed that Tyler hadn’t said anything about his brother – Josh remembered that his name was Zack – and he made a mental note to ask about that later.

“C’mon, my mom is probably freaking out about this strange car in her driveway.”

With that, Tyler exited Josh’s car, clutching his backpack to his chest. Josh was left with no option other than to follow the boy up the front walkway, then enter his home.

Much like the family, the Joseph home was, well, homey. The foyer was painted the same color as the front door: a bright, sunshine-y yellow. Josh followed Tyler to the kitchen, where he heard a woman speaking.

They walking into the kitchen to see a woman – that Josh assumed was Mrs. Joseph – speaking to herself as she tried to cook. Her hair was pulled up into a bun atop her head, streaks of grey shooting through the previously dirty blonde strands. She wore an apron that was splattered with various foods, and what appeared to be workout pants and a tank top.

“Hi Tyler, how was school?” she asked, not looking up from the pot that she stirred cautiously. As she removed the wooden spoon, a bubble burst in the substance, spraying everywhere.

“It was alright. Mom, I made a new friend today,” Tyler responded. He looked like he was trying to keep the laugh out of his voice.

Mrs. Joseph certainly was a sight to see, trying to salvage the pot of… was it supposed to be soup? Stew?

“That’s great, sweetie! Bring them over sometime so I can meet them.”

Tyler laughed nervously. “Yeah, that’s the thing… Mom, meet Josh.”

Mrs. Joseph turned around curiously, smiling at Josh. “Why, hello Josh. You were so quiet, I didn’t even realize you were here,” she laughed. “I wish Tyler-” she shot a glare at her son, “had told me he was bringing company; I’m sorry you have to see the kitchen like this.”

Josh laughed silently, shaking his head. ‘It’s okay,’ he mouthed.

“Oh, yeah, Mom, Josh can’t speak. He uses ASL,” Tyler added.

The woman covered her mouth with a hand. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” she said to Josh. “That must be absolutely horrid, for both you and your family.”

Was everyone in this town obsessed with family life? Josh wondered. Maybe he wouldn’t blend in as well as he thought he would.

“Yes, yes, horrible, such a tragedy, anyways Mom we’re going to my room,” Tyler said, waving his hand.

“Okay, have fun,” she replied, turning back to the liquid in the pot that seemed to be burning. “Tell Zack to come down and set the table at 5, please.”

“Yeah, okay, sure,” Tyler said, rolling his eyes. He grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him towards the stairs near the front of the house. “Let’s get you some paper, so I can hear what you’re itching to say. Don’t shake your head at me, I can see it in your eyes.”

It was Josh’s turn to roll his eyes as he was pulled up the steps of the Joseph’s home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey happy month of spoopy shit
> 
> Also my birthday is October 12th so if everyone could pls comment and give kudos that'd be fantastic ^_^
> 
> This one is a bit shorter bc of the hurricane and I really just wanna get it up before I lose power again
> 
> Anyways feedback is gr8 thnks have a great day


	7. .07.

*Josh’s POV*

Tyler’s room was very cluttered. The waste-bin was overflowing with crumpled up papers and empty RedBull cans that spilled onto the ground around it. The carpet was in desperate need of vacuuming, and the black rug that covered part of it needed to be straightened and shaken out. Posters of various things covered the walls; Josh saw The Walking Dead, Supernatural, and a few different animes. The bed was unmade, and there were clothes draped over every flat surface. The only open space in the entire room was a small portion on the desk shoved into the corner.

On the desk sat a single notebook; plain, with a black cover, it was merely a spiral book from Walmart. Several pens and pencils of varying lengths were strewn around it carelessly, creating a graphite and ink halo that contrasted the wooden table.

“Yo, I’m sorry for the mess…” Tyler said sheepishly. “I haven’t cleaned my room in like,” he paused, looking around, “well, a while.”

It was obvious.

“Now uh just let me find some paper…” Tyler trailed off. “And a pencil too I guess.”

Tyler shoved a pile of clothes off of his bed and onto the floor before gesturing for Josh to sit. As Josh folded his legs underneath himself on the unmade sheets, Tyler rummaged through his closet, mumbling curse words as things banged and crashed.

“Here,” he finally said. “It’s the back of an old homework that I never turned in but…”

Josh smiled gratefully and accepted the crumpled paper and pen that Tyler held out.

“I think I cut you off earlier. We were talking about where you were from, right? You moved here over the summer, obviously. Where’s your family’s house?”

Josh hesitated before printing a reply. -my family didn’t come here, actually.-

Tyler read over Josh’s shoulder as he wrote. “What do you mean?”

-can I trust you? you can’t tell anyone-

He nodded.

Josh sighed and began to write.

-

*  
Josh was eleven. He was on his way to his friend’s house with her mom. She had stayed home sick that day, and Josh was bringing her school work that she had missed.

Her mother was sat in the front seat, Josh in the back. Mrs. Ryan was turning around to talk to him every couple minutes, about mundane little things.

“Are you ready for middle school, Josh?” she asked, glancing at the 11 year old.

“Not really,” he had laughed in reply.

It was the last month of 5th grade, and everyone’s teachers were scurrying to tell them everything that could possibly happen in middle school. How lockers worked, what to do if you didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch, what to do about scary 8th graders, everything.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Mrs. Ryan said. “You and Debby both. Although, I feel bad that you’ll be at different schools… the districting around here is so scr-”

Mrs. Ryan had been cut short by the sound of squealing tires, followed by a bang and a searing pain that shot throughout Josh’s body, localizing around his neck.

…

Josh was thirteen. His parents were screaming at him, but he couldn’t reply, not even if he wanted to.

“This is all your fault!” his mother cried. “Everything! If you hadn’t been so sickeningly nice to that little bitch, then we wouldn’t have to be paying for your ‘lessons’. Maybe then you’d get food, you little liability. You mean nothing to us, now.”

Josh stared at his beat up shoes, trying to ignore the growling in his stomach and shouting around him. Once his mother realized that he wasn’t going to acknowledge her, she turned her wrath to his father.

Once Josh’s vocal chords were damaged by the accident that killed Mrs. Ryan two years ago, his parents had been paying for him to learn sign language. They paid for the least expensive teacher they could find, and as a result, Josh was no more skilled at ASL than he was before.

And now, two years later, the mute boy in 7th grade was failing all his classes, being starved and abused at home, and cried to himself almost every night.

…

Josh was fourteen. It was the summer before high school started. He hadn’t had anything substantial to eat in close to three weeks, and he was still wearing the clothes he had in 6th grade. He knew at least some ASL now – well, technically it was PSL. He had written out his problem to Debby one day, and she had gone out to buy books on sign language for him.

He came home one day from Debby’s around four. His hands shook in the pockets of his dirty, worn-out jeans. He wiped his palms on the grimy fabric, silently signing out what he had to say to his parents.

They had been sat at the kitchen table, looking over a pile of bills seemingly larger than Josh. When he slammed the door to signify his reappearance, his mother shot a look of disgust to his father.

“I thought we told you that you are to go straight to your room once you get home, Joshua,” his father had said.

Josh took his hands out of his pockets slowly, and shakily signed the phrase he had practiced all afternoon.

‘I’m gay.’

“Oh, so the little failure decided it was finally time to start learning, hmm?” Josh’s mother hissed. “Why don’t you just tell us what you’re trying to say? Oh, wait,” she laughed. Her eyes were cold and held no love anymore.

He stormed over to the kitchen table with a surge of confidence and wrote out what he had said on the back of an envelope, in all capital letters.

-IM GAY-

Josh slammed the paper onto the table and stepped back, waiting to gauge his parents’ reactions.

His father looked disappointed. His mother looked outraged.

“Get out,” she said quietly. “Get out of our home and never come back.”

The boy’s eyes widened. Surely, she couldn’t mean that their 14 year old child was being disowned… right?

“Get out,” she repeated, louder this time. “Get your stuff right now, and leave! You’ve caused this, all of this,” she gestured to the bills stacked on the table. “You’ve cost us thousands of dollars, and now, you’ve brought disgrace to this family, you little faggot. Get out, get out, get out!”

Josh ran up the stairs with tears filling his eyes. He ripped through his closet, throwing random things onto his bed in his search for some sort of bag. Once an old baseball bag was in his grasp, he shoved his clothes and various other random things into it, until it almost wouldn’t zip.

He snatched a baseball cap off of the wall next to his door, and left his childhood home without a single goodbye to his only family.

…

Josh was sixteen. He was in Cleveland, Ohio now, staying with some random guy that said he needed a roommate. Josh didn’t even know his name; he just knew that every once in a while, he made Josh meet a sketchy guy on the edge of the Projects and give him a kilo of cocaine. In return, Josh would get a hearty tip, so long as his roommate got the paper bag full of money that the man gave him.

After running cocaine once a week for two months, Josh had enough saved up to leave Cleveland.

He ended up getting his own apartment for another month. His old roommate still called him once a week, and he still ran the drugs to the Projects.

Gradually, one kilo turned to two, and two turned to four, and four turned to a duffel bag, and a duffel bag turned to the passenger seat of his father’s truck. The money bag got heavier, and the tips got better.

It wasn’t until his roommate didn’t call one week that it changed.

Josh stopped by the apartment one day after work, and saw three cop cars surrounding the building. He assumed that his roommate had gotten caught with the hundreds of thousands of dollars and 50 kilos of coke that were stored in the home. The next day, Josh left Cleveland.

For once, he was happy that he didn’t know the man’s name. 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo I know this took forever and im really sorry but hey im 16 now so yay birthdays????
> 
> also special thanks to @Pollarize here on AO3 for help with ASL/PSL; you rock and everyone pls go check out their stories bc woW emotions
> 
> Anyway kudos and comments are great, they make me smile in chemistry class and make the teacher give me strange looks how fun :))))))))))
> 
> also I should mention that everything in between the * *'s is Josh's memories wow I should've said that sooner oops
> 
> :::;;::://stay stre3t :::;...:;;;|||-///


	8. .08.

*Tyler’s POV*

Tyler sat on the bed next to Josh, watching as the other boy scrawled on the back of some old maths homework. He wrote and wrote, filling up almost the entire paper, before stopping mid-word.

“What’s wrong?” Tyler asked, indicating to Josh’s halted movements.

He noticed that Josh’s shoulders were shaking slightly.

“Hey, dude-” Tyler reached out a hand, resting it on Josh’s shoulder lightly.

Josh crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it across the room. It bounced off of the wall and landed on Tyler’s desk, before rolling onto the trash covered floor. Josh’s head was in his hands as soon as the paper left them.

Tyler looked at the boy with wide eyes. “Hey, hey, it’s alright.”

Josh took a shuddery breath and shook his head. His entire body was trembling now.

“Is it something with your family? About them not being here?” Tyler tried.

The boy nodded, letting out a choked sound.

“Where are they?”

Josh shrugged.

Tyler pursed his lips. For once in his life, he was genuinely lost. How could Josh be here without his parents? As far as he knew, Josh was just barely a legal adult; he couldn’t be more than a month or two over 18.

As the boy beside Tyler sobbed quietly into his hands, Tyler’s mind shifted gears.

*I’ve got to help him,* Tyler thought.

*No, we’ve got to help him,* Blurryface replied.

*Get out of my head.*

*Our head.*

Tyler ground his teeth. Blurry was not someone he wanted to deal with right now.

*And how do you suggest ‘we’ do that?* Tyler snapped.

*Give him a new family. He’s hot, he can stay in here, with us,* Blurryface prompted.

“No.”

Josh visibly jumped beside Tyler, and he realized that he had spoken out loud.

Tyler rushed to cover his mistake. “Erm, uh, no, this isn’t okay. Where are you staying, if you aren’t with your parents? Do you have any family here?” He tried to remember Josh’s last name, mentally checking if anyone here shared it.

Josh just shook his head.

“Are you living here alone?”

He nodded.

*Get him to live here, c’mon, mom would love it.*

For once, Tyler agreed with Blurryface, if only for a moment.

“Alright, get your keys. We’re going to wherever you’re staying and getting your stuff. You’re living with us, and you’re getting three good meals a day and a locking door,” Tyler said, standing up with a surge of confidence.

Josh’s head shot up and shook frantically. His eyes and hands were wet from tears; he looked very small, and very broken.

“Yes. C’mon, get up.”

Josh latched on to Tyler’s forearm instead, pulling him back onto the bed, and inevitably onto his own chest. He shook his head again.

Blurryface laughed inside of Tyler’s head as Josh’s arms wrapped around the other boys’ body. Blurry was getting to much enjoyment from Tyler’s pain and discomfort, and Tyler gritted his teeth, trying to push the other voice in his head to the background.

Once the laughing in his head had quieted, Tyler looked at his surroundings. Josh’s arms were around his middle, his head buried in Tyler’s sweater. He was still trembling and shaking his head.

“Josh, hey.”

The other boy didn’t react at all. He was taking short, rapid breaths, muffled by the material of Tyler’s top. He guessed that Josh was having a panic attack.

“Josh, look at me. Hey, look at me,” Tyler prompted, raising a hand to his chin. He raised the boys’ head a fraction of an inch to look him in the face.  
Josh’s eyes were squeezed shut and leaking tears. He had bitten down hard on his top lip, and droplets of blood were beginning to seep from the broken skin.

Slowly, Josh opened his eyes and looked at Tyler for a moment.

Tyler’s heart almost stopped with that one look.

“Let me go, Joshy,” Tyler said after a moment.

Josh had closed his eyes again, but let Tyler go. The latter went to his desk and found a new piece of paper and an unused textbook.

“Explain to me, please, why you aren’t with your parents, and where you’re staying right now. I don’t need to know the major details.”

Josh rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and accepted the paper again. Tyler got it back a few minutes later.

-my parents kicked me out when I was younger, I’ve been moving around trying to finish school ever since. I guess I just ended up here, I tried to stay in Ohio. my car is kind of a piece of shit.  
I’m staying at a hotel on the outskirts of town. the school never questioned where my guardians were or why my mailing address is a motel 6-

“Your parents kicked you out?” Tyler asked incredulously. “How long ago?”

Josh made grabby hands for the paper again, and Tyler handed it back quickly.

-I was 14, so four years ago now-

“Josh…” Tyler said, frowning, “I don’t think that’s even legal.”

Josh just shrugged in reply.

“You’re going to stay here tonight, and you’re going to get dinner because you look way too skinny, and we’re going to explain this to my mom. She can help get you into the foster system if you want.”

-I’m 18 now, it doesn’t matter anymore-

“Well then she can find you a place to live other than a fu-freaking Motel 6.”

-I don’t want to be a burden-

Tyler shook his head sadly before replying. “You’re not a burden, Joshy. You’re just a kid; you need a home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihihihihi im so sorry this took over a month and Im very sorry this is getting dragged out and im sure its very boring sorrysorry I promise that now that this chapter is out of the way, it'll start getting interesting sorry the first parts are always intros and all sorry wow
> 
> again sorry this took so long and sorry its so short but I had a lot going on and I kind of had a mental breakdown bc of school over the weekend sorry sorry sorry
> 
> <3


	9. .09.

*Josh’s POV*

It was the end of the first quarter. Josh was passing only two of his five classes, and one of them was music, which means it didn’t even count because Mr. Way never even gave grades.

Josh couldn’t even concentrate in his physics class, even if he bothered trying. Ever since Mrs. Joseph had made him move into the spare bedroom down the hall from Tyler, Jenna Black had shot Josh evil glares for the entirety of first period. She knocked him down in the hallway of the Joseph home when he tried to go to the bathroom, and muttered ‘fag’ at him.

Josh decided that it was better to stay in the guest room when Jenna was over, or just not be in the house at all.

Whenever Tyler mentioned that Jenna was coming over, Josh made up an excuse to go out; he usually ended up at the park down the street, near the Motel 6 he had been staying at previously. He would sit under the oak tree in the back corner, facing away from the playground. He didn’t want to be known as the mute child molester; hell, he didn’t want to be known at all. All that year, Josh had kept a low profile.

But, he found that it was hard to ‘blend in’ when Jenna Black was talking shit about him to everyone that would listen.

In the hallways, rumors about him flew faster than the latest news on the local slut. Josh was sure that if he traced them back to their origin, all fingers would point towards Jenna Black. What he didn’t understand though was why she hated him so much. He had never made a single statement about or to her. He tried to stay away from Tyler, just in case the reason was jealousy.

Josh knew that Jenna knew that he was gay, or at least assumed so. He also knew that she wasn’t homophobic; her best friend, Debby, had a huge, obvious, hopeless crush on Jenna.

In addition to Jenna and her crew of plastics harassing Josh, he also had to deal with Jenna’s secret boy toy. A few weeks ago, he had confronted Josh at lunch, grabbing him by the collar of the button down shirt he had worn that day. Josh’s feet were lifted off of the ground, and his back was shoved hard into a brick wall.

“If I hear you talking shit about Jenna, ever, it’ll be the death of you; do you hear me Dun?” he had spit in Josh’s face.

Josh had nodded quickly, not exactly wanting to become dog meat so soon in the school year.

“Good. Oh, and if anything about me and Jenna reaches that messed up kid you live with, well-” the boy’s grip tightened on Josh’s collar, and subsequently his neck, “you get my point.”

He had dropped a gasping Josh onto the ground and walked back inside, wiping the palms of his hands on his pants, like he wanted to make sure that nothing remained on them from the fag Josh Dun.

-

“Are you okay?”

Josh jumped, almost falling off of the bed he was sat upon. He was staring out the window, waiting for Jenna’s car to show up, for the torture to ensue once more. Turning around, he saw Tyler leaning against his doorframe.

“Jenna’s not coming over today, if that’s what you’re waiting for.” Tyler paused. “If I didn’t know how much she hated you, I would say that she had a crush on you. Some days, she never shuts up about you, about what you’re wearing and how you need to redye your hair and how that guy in your Physics class has total heart eyes for you.”

He rolled his eyes, unhooking himself from the doorframe and walking over to the bed, where he promptly flopped down.

“I know you don’t like her either, y’know.”

Josh looked Tyler in the eyes for the first time that day. Tyler stared back, tilting his head a little bit.

“What? You and I both know that’s true. I see the way you guys look at each other. She looks like she’s always ready to fight you, and you look like you’re ready to dodge her punches.”

Josh shrugged, turning back to look out the window. He really didn’t have anything to say on the topic; he knew that Tyler was right.

Tyler was silent for a minute or so.

“Have I ever told you about him?”

Josh frowned, turning around once more. He raised his eyebrows in what he hoped was a questioning fashion.

“Blurry, I mean.”

As Josh shook his head, Tyler made himself comfortable on Josh’s pillows. Technically, they belonged to the Joseph’s, but they smelled like Josh now so he had claimed them.

“He lives in my head. Talks to me sometimes, helps me on tests and shit like that. Sometimes its good stuff, but most of the time it’s not. He’s here right now, actually. He says hello, by the way. He thinks you’re hot.” He paused. “He thinks that I should do something bad right now, so I came over here instead. I hope that’s okay…? Jenna doesn’t think that he’s real, and my parents would just try to up my medication dosage if I said anything.”

Josh leaned over Tyler to grab the notepad and pencil that lived on his nightstand.

-why are you telling me this?-

Tyler shrugged. “I know what people say about me. They say that I’m crazy, that I hear voices.” He choked out a laugh. “I guess they’re right.”

-tht doesn’t give them a right to talk about you like tht though. youre still human too-

It was Tyler’s turn to shrug. “Did you hear that I tried to commit suicide a few years ago? That was Blurryface, not me, by the way. He told me to do it. He’s trying to tell me to do the same thing now.” Tyler’s eyes unfocused, going dark for a second; he winced, then blinked a few times before refocusing on Josh again.

Josh shuffled uneasily on the bed, adjusting the notepad in his lap. What does someone say in response to that? Do you just say to go get help, or that you’re sorry? Josh was at a loss, and was more than slightly uncomfortable.

-if it makes you feel better, I have anxiety. have since I was little-

“Do you take anything for it?”

Josh shook his head. -not since I left home. been on the move too much to get a prescription refilled-

“I’m sorry; if you’d like, I stole some meds from my brother’s room a while ago. It’s probably outdated and mostly gone, but it’s something, just in case you have like an attack or something.”

Josh thought for a moment, then nodded. Something was better than nothing, even if it didn’t work. He had found that just the aspect of having something to fall back on was relaxing.

Tyler disappeared for a moment, then came back with a yellow bottle in his hand. He handed it to Josh, then resumed his previous position on the other boy’s pillows.

-why do you have this anyway?-

Tyler shrugged. “Just in case. It’s not like my brother was using it anyway.”

From what Tyler had said before, Josh had a feeling that this wasn’t the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys im not fucking dead sorry about that
> 
> anyways im starting chp 10 immediately after this is published so itll hopefully be out before the new year, if not before Christmas
> 
> merry new year and happy holidays to all, if I don't make it back in time <3
> 
> as always, feedback + kudos are appreciated


	10. .10.

*Josh’s POV*

Ever since Tyler had come over to talk about ‘Blurry’ and give Josh anxiety meds, he had been spending more and more time with Josh. He would be in Josh’s room until sometimes two or three in the morning, just talking. Sometimes it would be Tyler, talking about everything under the sun and moon, about his childhood and his family and his friendships, even his relationship with Jenna. Other times, it would be Josh, writing until his hand started cramping. Josh even began teaching Tyler rudimentary ASL, so they could talk across the dinner table, or Tyler could voice Josh’s thoughts.

They agreed to work together for their midterm presentation for Mr. Way’s class. Josh argued that he had literally no musical talent whatsoever, but Tyler said that he wasn’t confident enough to do it by himself and Josh had caved. Josh had started to develop a bit of a soft spot in his heart for the Joseph boy.

Tyler even started helping Josh get his grades back up. He was Josh’s private tutor in most of his classes, and the two grew closer and closer as the second term wore on.

For their midterm, Tyler was going to sing something that he had written and play the piano. He suggested that Josh try something like bass or drums; they were both fairly simple and could be learned fairly quickly, he said.

Josh spent close to two weeks with Pete in one of the soundproof rooms in the music hall, trying to learn bass. Josh’s fingers just weren’t long enough, nimble enough to hit the chords correctly, and both Pete and Josh soon gave up. Pete had apologized profusely, but Josh had stopped him.

“I’m just, like, a totally rubbish teacher. If Mikey, Mr. Way’s little brother, was here, dude, you’d be like a total expert by now,” Pete had moaned, his hands worrying in his hair.

Josh smiled and shook his head, patting Pete’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. ‘It’s fine’ he mouthed. Pete offered a tiny smile in return.

The next day, Josh sat on the small stool that was sat behind a very large drum set in the room beside where he and Pete had been. Sat on the drum in the center (Josh had no clue as to how to play it, let alone its name), were two brand new drum sticks. Josh picked them up and took notice of their weight; they sat comfortably in his palms, but weren’t too light.

After sitting on the uncomfortable little stool for a few minutes just looking, Josh tried hitting one of the sticks on various things surrounding him: a cymbal, two cymbals with a foot pedal things, a smaller cymbal, and a wide array of drums varying in size. He noticed that each drum sounded different, and that the big one at his feet was controlled by another pedal.

Mr. Way had told him to start with a simple rhythm in the ‘pocket’, which was apparently the small cluster of drums right near the center.

So for the rest of class (and another hour afterwards), Josh tested out different rhythms and found what he thought were catchy beats. At the end of his impromptu practice session, he was covered in a light sheen of sweat and had a knowledge of drums that he hadn’t had before.

When he went to return the drumsticks to Mr. Way, the man had just smiled.

“Keep ‘em, I don’t have any use for them. I don’t have an ounce of rhythm. You should see me try to dance.”

Josh nodded and shoved the sticks into his back pocket. He waved goodbye and began making his way towards the student parking lot. It was coming close to the end of 6th period, but the hallways were still silent and empty, save for the kid in the freshmen class with crutches, who was hobbling his way to his next class.

Once outside, Josh tugged his jacket a little bit closer to his body. Ohio winters were not enjoyable; it had been gray and overcast for the past what seemed to be months. Yet, it hadn’t snowed a single flake yet. The meteorologists had been predicting a big storm sometime this week, but no one was truly sure.

Josh was much happier inside the cab of his truck, even if it smelled like yesterday’s Taco Bell and Tyler’s feet (they had gone out for tacos yesterday after school, and Tyler had wanted to see if the cashiers would notice if he had no shoes on. The answer to that question was no, they did not notice). Once the heat was cranked up and blowing on Josh’s hands, he drove home.

All the way, he wondered when he had started considering the Joseph’s house as home.

-

That night at dinner, Tyler seemed to be in as good of a mood as Josh was. He had learned that Tyler often had good and bad days; bad days began with him being in the bathroom for a solid hour before speaking to anyone and leaving the house with only coffee. Good days, however, included Tyler running into Josh’s room to wake him up, bouncing around the house, and cooking breakfast for everyone. That morning, it had seemed like it was going to be a bad day, and Tyler had stormed out of the house at only 7:09, but now it was like he was a completely different person.

“Jish and I are working together for our music midterm,” Tyler said between mouthfuls of food. “I’m singing.”

“Oh, really?” Mrs. Joseph replied, glancing up at Tyler. “I didn’t realize that, after the first 47 times that you told us. Josh, sweetie, do you know what you’re playing yet?”

Josh mimed hitting a drum-set, and she nodded in understanding. Meanwhile, Tyler was pouting on his side of the table.

“String instruments just aren’t for everyone.” She looked back at Tyler again. “I’m sorry, would you care to elaborate?”

“No,” he snapped, letting the fork in his hand clatter to his plate. A speck of mashed potatoes flew up and landed on his cheek, but no one said anything about it.

Tyler glared at his mother for another second more, then shoved himself away from the table and stalked up the steps, dragging his feet the entire way.

Josh supposed that it wasn’t so much of a good day as he had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey merry Christmas!!!
> 
> I was feeling v v v inspired so I wrote this in like an hour and a half and didn't do a very thorough proofreading so if there are any mistakes just let me know 'kay thanks
> 
> also sorry for Josh's horrible explanation of a drum set I promise you I know what im talking about but he doesn't yet so just pls bear with me okay bye
> 
> (ps, kudos and comments are right down there, if you didn't know <3 )


	11. .11.

*Josh’s POV*

Dinner was awkward after Tyler left.

Mrs. Joseph looked sadly at the spot where her son had been previously, then at Josh. “I’m sorry about him. He just gets a little…” she trailed off, looking back at her own plate. “Well, I suppose you know. You’ve been here for a while now.” The woman trailed off into a whisper again. “I’m glad that you’re here, Joshua. I’ve said that before, I know, but I truly hope that you know it. When Tyler asked if you could stay here, he looked so hopeful that I couldn’t say no. I thought that you were going to be a bad influence on him, what with your tattoos and hair and all, but I’m starting to worry that it’s the other way around.”

Josh looked at his hands in his lap as she spoke.

“I wanted to say thank you, actually.”

He looked up at this.

“I know that Tyler has good and bad days; today was obviously a bad one. But ever since you’ve come around, he’s had a lot more good ones. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but he seems to be doing much better now that you’re here. So thank you, for doing what I couldn’t. I know he’s a handful sometimes, but he’s a good boy.” Mrs. Joseph’s eyes were misty by the time she finished speaking.

Josh smiled softly and walked around the table to give Mrs. Joseph a semi-awkward side hug. She hugged him back, then helped him clear the table, throwing Tyler’s half eaten dinner into the trash can.

“Do you think you could try to talk to him? I’ve got the dishes.”

Josh nodded and made his way up the stairs. He stopped by his room and grabbed his notepad, then knocked softly on Tyler’s door.

“Go away.”

Josh knocked again, more persistently. Hopefully Tyler would get the cue that he wasn’t leaving, and that if he didn’t open the door then Josh was coming in.

After a minute of waiting, the latter occurred and Josh pushed into Tyler’s room. Tyler was lying face down on the floor, a blanket draped over him.

“I said go awa- oh, hi Josh.”

Josh waved in reply and sat down on the floor beside Tyler, who sat up and pulled the blanket close around his shoulders. Now that he was within a few feet of Tyler, Josh saw that the other boy’s hands were shaking violently, as if he had been somewhere cold without a jacket for too long.

-are you okay?-

Tyler laughed and shook his head. “Far from it.”

-what happened?-

Eyes unfocusing, Tyler said, “You wouldn’t understand.”

-try me-

After a moment of tense silence, Tyler spoke again.

“Blurry wants me to break up with Jenna.”

-why?-

Tyler laughed harshly. “There’s someone else, and Blurry doesn’t think that it’s fair to her to continue our relationship. It’s quite ironic when the voice in my head’s morals are better than my own.”

-who?-

“I can’t tell you that.”

-I think you should tell jenna-

“Why? It doesn’t matter, she’s going to break up with me soon anyway. I know she’s cheating on me, and I know that you know it too. He’s in your physics class; he’s also the reason for those bruises on your neck a few weeks ago.”

Josh idly touched the faded bruises on the sides of his neck. He hadn’t even noticed them that day until Pete pointed them out in music.

“Damn Dun, who beat you up?” Pete had asked jokingly, his fingers trying to line up with the fingerprint sized bruises. “Was it Rian?”

Josh shook his head, waving Pete’s question away. He asked to go to the bathroom, and studied the dark marks lining his neck. When he got back to the classroom, he asked Hayley to cover them in foundation. She tried to ask questions, but he shrugged them off, much like he had to Pete’s inquiries.

-she’d be stupid to leave you- Josh wrote out now.

“No, she’d be doing the obvious thing. I’m too fucked up for her anyway. She’s going to some big name college in New York and she’s going to be a professional soccer player or cheerleader or journalist or something and I’m going to be stuck in this fucking town forever, six feet deep in the cemetery.”

Tyler’s hands were shaking again.

“And you know what the worst part is? I’m not even surprised. I’ve known that she was leaving for a while now, and I know that I don’t deserve her.” He laughed bitterly. “It’s a miracle that she’s stayed this long. We used to be best friends, that’s the only reason why she has."

Then, Josh did something that surprised even himself.

He leaned forward and wrapped Tyler Joseph in a hug. Tyler hugged him back, once again to Josh’s surprise.

They sat like that, with Josh’s arms around Tyler’s shoulders and Tyler’s around Josh’s waist, until the sun went down. Tyler’s head rested on Josh’s bicep; it was peaceful.

Tyler was the first to pull away, and even then, it looked like he hadn’t wanted to.

“Bathroom,” he said in explanation as he stood and left the room, the blanket still following him like a cape.

Josh watched him go, then leaned against the wall and shut his eyes.

He’d never admit it, but Josh felt his chest tighten the slightest bit when Tyler walked back in, and his breath faltered when he sat beside him. He wouldn’t say that Tyler’s smell was borderline intoxicating when the other boy invited Josh into his blanket cocoon. He wouldn’t say that he was the most comfortable and content that he’d ever been, snuggled under that blanket until 2 in the morning with Tyler Joseph.

He wouldn’t say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys theres probably only one or two more chapters left sorry but it'll most likely be done and uploaded within the next week so that's good?????  
> also sorry this is shorter its only 970 words but that seemed like a good place to stop  
> I feel like im spamming you all with updates but from the amount of hits and kudos ive been getting, I don't think yall really mind  
> anyway stay safe and be happy <3


	12. .12.1.

Part 1

*Josh’s POV*

Their performance had gone well. Tyler sang something about TV’s and ditched the piano for a ukulele, while Josh tried desperately to keep up on the drums. Everyone had clapped politely at the end of their song, Jenna albeit a bit reluctantly.

After smiling politely at the small audience in the music room, Tyler had excused himself to go to the bathroom. He didn’t return for a solid ten minutes, and was met with the usual remarks of ‘did you fall in?’ and ‘damn, what’d’ya have for lunch?’ when he did.

Tyler gave them a small, tight lipped smile, and sat down beside Jenna. She immediately rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone.

Josh had the feeling that Tyler was pretending not to notice, or at least not care.

That is, until he slammed his hand on the desk that he and Jenna shared. She dropped her phone into her lap at the bang, then glared at her boyfriend.

“What the fuck was that for, Tyler?” she snapped.

“Miss Black, watch your lang-” Mr. Way interjected, before being cut off by Tyler.

“Oh, like you don’t know!” he shot back, crossing his arms. “Why don’t you just do it already? Just leave, Jenna.”

“Maybe I should.” Jenna stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “I hate you, Tyler Joseph. You and your fucked up head and stupid crush on the fag over there,” she gestured wildly to where Josh was sitting. “Don’t bother talking to me anymore. In fact, you can go fuck yourself.”

With that, Jenna stalked across the room, wrenching the door open and slamming it shut behind her. The loud bang that echoed through the room was nearly a whisper compared to the deafening silence that followed.

After a moment of silence, Pete coughed awkwardly.

“Well, what the fuck was that, Joseph?”

All eyes that remained on the now closed door flickered to Tyler’s hunched form.

“None of your goddamn business, that’s what,” he muttered, just loud enough to sail over the silence that cloaked the room.

He zipped his backpack swiftly, then followed Jenna’s path to the door. He was much quieter than she had been, and shut the door softly behind him.

“Well then,” Mr. Way said from his desk. “I could go for a coffee. Anyone else want some?”

Every head left in the room nodded immediately.

-

“Have you seen Tyler, Josh? He hasn’t come home yet,” Mrs. Joseph asked.

Josh froze in the threshold; he hadn’t even fully entered the house before the woman ambushed him. Sighing, he kicked his shoes off and grabbed a piece of paper from the pocket of his jacket.

-Jenna broke up with him in 5th, and he left school. haven't seen him since-

Mrs. Joseph gasped, reading over Josh’s shoulder. Her hand came to rest in front of her mouth, like she really couldn’t believe that has happening. “What happened?”

-I don’t know, Ty started it, but it felt like it was a long time coming-

She nodded, walking away to lean against the kitchen counter.

“She was such a nice girl,” she murmured to herself.

Josh snorted, shaking his head, and walked upstairs.

Everyone thought that Jenna Black was this perfect angel; she was captain of the cheerleading squad and a key player on the soccer team. She had managed to keep a second boyfriend a secret from Tyler for a long time (although not as long as she apparently thought). Yet, Josh felt like he was the only one that felt like he knew that she was really like. The way she shoved him in the hallways of this house, the insults she whispered and the lies she spread. She just lied to their entire music class, in fact: the whole 'crush on that fag over there' thing that she had tried.

Tyler was better off without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo so this was hella short but im working on 12.2 now don't fret my children


	13. .12.2.

Part two

*Tyler’s POV*

TRIGGER WARNING

Tyler was sat in the middle of the woods, outside of town. The snow was beginning to fall softly around him, dusting the fallen leaves and barren branches in pristine white. It was too perfect, the white was too pure, too clean for the state of mind that Tyler was in at the moment.

He sat on the bank of a frozen creek. His shoes and socks were somewhere near the road about half a mile away, and his jacket was still in the school parking lot, along with his backpack. Tyler sat inhumanly still, staring at the way that his toes were starting to turn blue, at the way that the light snowfall was beginning to pile on his shoulders, at the way that the tears that ran down his face seemed to freeze before they ever got a chance to fall off his face.

Tyler was numb, and not just because of the cold.

Jenna.

The name ran through his mind, over and over again, like a broken record. At this point, he wished that Blurry was there, to talk over top of his own mind, to drown out his own thoughts. For once in his life, his other half was painfully silent.

Jenna. Jenna, Jenna, Jennajennajennajennajen-

Tyler finally moved, clasping his hands over his ears, as if he could block out the voice that had risen to a shout.

JeNNAJENNAJENNAJENNAJENNAJE-

“ENOUGH!”

Tyler shot to a standing position, looking around like a caged animal.

“What do you want from me?!” he shouted to the sky. 

His hands flew up to grip his hair, pulling sharply on the roots in a desperate attempt to ease the sudden pressure in his head. He let out a piercing scream, swinging around to punch the tree beside him, over and over until his knuckles were bloody. He looked numbly at them, the pain not even registering. It was like he was watching his life from behind a camera.

His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ve done everything I can.”

Silence.

The perfectly white snow was stained a crimson red by the time Tyler gained the willpower to stagger home.

-

When Tyler returned home, he couldn’t feel anything. His shoes were still on the side of the road, his jacket still in the parking lot, and his heart still on the floor of the music room where Jenna had left it.

It was almost midnight, and the Joseph house was dark, save for a single light. It came from Josh’s room. As Tyler unlocked the door, he saw the curtain flicker ever so slightly.

Regardless of how fucked up Tyler felt, he still didn’t want to disturb anyone in the house, so he tiptoed up the stairs. He almost screamed again when he felt a tap on his shoulder as he tried to ease open his door.

Josh (who else, honestly) was standing there, clad in a pair of sweatpants and nothing else. He had bags underneath his eyes and worry lines on his forehead.

Blurry stirred at this.

*Long time no see, buddy.*

*Fuck off.*

*Ooh, testy today, are we? In hindsight, you probably should be, because Jenna FINALLY dumped us. You had to know that it was coming, dude, I mean, look at you. You’re nothing special, in fact, you’re basically worthless. Oh look, you finally got the courage to cut yourself up without me saying anything! Good job, mom would be proud. Y’know, that is if she even notices. Your mom likes Josh better now, anyway, she won’t even notice-*

Tyler tried to block out Blurry as Josh handed him a sheet of paper.

-where have you been? are you alright?-

Tyler just shook his head, but let Josh follow him into his room anyway. The door shut softly, and the paper was snatched from his cold hands.

-that’s not an answer, Ty-

Tyler shrugged.

Josh frowned, studying Tyler’s face. Tyler looked blankly back at him.

*Kiss him,* Blurry interjected.

*You’re not helping.*

Josh put the back of his hand against Tyler’s forehead, like a concerned mother would, and instantly widened his eyes. ‘you’re freezing’ he mouthed, immediately sitting down next to the cold boy. He pulled the comforter on Tyler’s bed around his shoulders, frowning again.

-have you been outside all this time?-

Tyler nodded.

-you could’ve gotten hypothermia!!!!-

“I don’t care anymore,” he whispered.

-

By the next morning, Tyler’s body temperature hadn’t risen that much, and Josh was more than concerned. Tyler had started shivering at about 5, and Josh had joined him underneath the pile of blankets that he had begun accumulating.

-I need to tell your mom- Josh wrote sloppily, rubbing his forehead.

“No.”

Josh looked exasperated. –you may have frostbite or pneumonia or hypothermia or something-

“She doesn’t need to know that.”

-tyler you may need to go to the hospital. If I can’t get you any warmer..-

*Kiss him now,* Blurryface interjected again.

*Shut up.*

-

Josh told Tyler’s mom anyway. She had sprinted up the stairs and stormed into Tyler’s room. He hadn’t even been that surprised.

“Tyler Robert Joseph, I swear to God, if you ever do anything like that again-” she threatened. “You’re so cold, oh my God. Josh, why didn’t you wake me when he got home?”

“I told him not to,” Tyler said weakly.

“You- you... stupid boy,” she whispered thickly. She wrapped her arms around Tyler. “Get up, we’re going to the ER.”

“Mom, I-”

“No, you don’t get to have an opinion on this. Not after last night.”

Mrs. Joseph yanked on one of his arms, trying to get him to sit up, but stopped shortly when she saw the bandage that covered his entire forearm, from his knuckles to the crease of his elbows. She looked at Tyler, but he looked anywhere but back.

“Tyler-”

“No.”

“Tyler Joseph, this better not be what I think it is,” she said. “Not again,” she choked out. His mother had to look to Josh when he didn’t reply. She choked back another sob when Josh nodded solemnly. After all, Josh had been the one to find the bruises on Tyler’s knuckles, accompanied by what seemed like a hundred perfectly straight bleeding lines on the underside of his forearm.

Tyler didn’t have anything to say, except, “Sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay theres only one more chapter after this, and im serious this time
> 
> sorry for the really heavy and depressing chapter sorrysorry but it had to be done
> 
> kudos/comments appreciated


	14. .13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST GONNA SLAP A BIG TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER LIKE HUGE
> 
> ALsO this chapter is (loosely) based off of the song King Park by La Dispute so you may wanna listen to it while reading but just a suggestion :)))))))

*Tyler’s POV*

The voices in Tyler’s head only got louder. He sat in his room for days. His mother stopped trying. Josh stopped bringing him his missed classwork and homework. Jenna obviously didn’t come around anymore.

Josh did, however, come in everyday and tell Tyler what he was missing at school. He wrote down every bad joke that that kid Pete told, and every time Mr. Way would whisper ‘fuck’ when he spilled his coffee. He wrote about how he had gone on a date with that boy Alex from his Physics class. At the end of every letter, he would ask the same question. –are you coming to school tomorrow?-

Tyler always had the same answer.

No.

That is, until one day, the voices got too loud.

When Josh got home, Tyler heard him set down his backpack and open the fridge, grabbing a RedBull like he always did. Tyler had learned that once he got into a rhythm, Josh moved like clockwork. Then, he unzipped his bag, took something out, and made his way up the stairs. He knocked on Tyler’s door with the same knock; three sharp taps, the second and third ones closer together than the first and second.

But this time, Tyler was nowhere in sight.

Tyler could tell that Josh was frowning. He was generally in bed, or hunched over his desk, scribbling out nonsense words on pieces of notebook paper that were already too filled with words.

Today, he was in his bathroom, hunched over his sink, staring into his own eyes. He looked dead.

Josh knocked softly on the door to the bathroom, but Tyler didn’t respond. The cold chunk of metal in his hands suddenly weighed 1000 pounds as he rethought his decision.

*You have too,* Blurryface whispered. *It’s the only way.*

“I have too,” Tyler dutifully repeated.

Josh pushed open the door, looking simultaneously relieved and worried when he saw Tyler.

Tyler could see the questions in his eyes when he dragged his own from the reflection that stared blankly back.

When Josh looked Tyler up and down, his eyes froze on his hands.

Tyler followed Josh’s gaze. His eyes landed on the gun resting in his hand, and he smiled.

“I killed him,” Tyler whispered. “Who I used to be. He was just a kid, and I killed him.” He paused, laughing. “I didn’t mean too, really, I swear. Blurryface told me to do it, so I did.”

Josh looked scared now.

“I killed him,” Tyler repeated, more to himself than to Josh at this point. “He had a full life to live, but I killed him. He went to church every Sunday. He was going to go to college. He had a future. But I killed him.”

Tyler stopped again, lifting the gun that rested in his hands. The cool metal weighed more than it should have; it held the weight of the memories it carried.

“I wonder…” he trailed off. He cleared his throat. “I wonder, if I can still get into heaven. Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself? If I settle the score? I didn’t mean to kill him, I swear.”

Tyler was crying by now. It was getting hard to breathe. Through his watery eyes, he saw Josh take a hesitant step towards him. They were only a few feet apart now.

Tyler’s knees gave out. He slumped to the floor, gun still held tightly in his hands. He raised it to the side of his head with shaking hands.

“Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself? Will they send me to hell?”

His finger rested on the trigger.

“Goodbye Josh. I love you.”

It ended with a bang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAND SCENE
> 
> WOWWOWOWOW ITS OVER THATS IT THERES NO EPILOGUE OR SEQUEL SORRY GUYS THATS IT
> 
> ALso sorry Dasani I lied yeah oopsies. 
> 
> As always, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING, I can't express my gratitude for all of your support and patience with my horrible updating schedule <3 I write for you guys, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to find me on tumblr @ drowning-in-gay-ships.tumblr.com and drop me a line!
> 
> kudos and comments are great, pls feel free to yell at me as much as you'd like


	15. Epilogue

*3rd person POV*

TRIGGER WARNING

Josh was a wreck. Tyler was an idiot. A selfish, psychotic, self-loathing idiot. Josh hated him. He wanted nothing more than for Tyler to wake up so Josh could punch him into next week.

Tyler was in a state of panic. He hadn’t wanted this. He could hear the people around him crying, screaming. Someone took his hand in-between both of theirs, rubbing soft circles into his palm. He wanted to squeeze back, to let them know that he was okay.

He wasn’t okay, though.

It had been two weeks, and Tyler’s condition hadn’t improved. Guaranteed, it hadn’t worsened, so that was something, but the doctors still didn’t know what to do.

The bullet had just barely scraped the front of Tyler’s brain; they said that he would have problems with fine motor skills and possibly speech, if he ever woke up.

They had patched him up as well as they could, but they had two bullet holes to deal with. There had been blood everywhere; across the bathroom, on his hands, his clothes, even Josh. Josh had sat in the emergency room for a solid three hours before a nurse came by with a wet washcloth to gently wipe the blood off his face. They had offered a change of clothes, but Josh had shook his head no.

He had regretted that decision, as the metallic scent of his best friend’s blood permeated the entire room. It made him sick to his stomach, and he had gotten up to heave the remnants of that day’s meals into the trash can.

It had been two weeks without Tyler, and Josh was beyond the point of worry. He was terrified.

-

Tyler had been in a coma for over a month now.

Mrs. Joseph called Josh down from his room, saying they needed to talk. She had tears in her eyes.

Before she got a single word out, Josh nodded. He knew this was coming.

“I-I have to, Josh, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. “I can’t imagine the pain he’s in, the suffering… it has to be done. I can’t make my baby suffer any more.”

Josh nodded again. He went back upstairs, barely a tremor in his hands.

He went to Tyler’s room, sitting on the floor of the bathroom where it had happened. In his hands, Josh held the crumped letter he had written so many months ago, about his life before this town that destroyed him ever so slowly.

On the floor in front of him, resting next to a scarcely visible blood stain, was the gun Tyler had used.

Josh read over the explanation he had written out for Tyler, one that he never got to read.

Downstairs, Mrs. Joseph was talking on the phone. Josh knew exactly who she was talking to.

It was now or never.

Josh signed one last thing, imagining Tyler sitting across from him.

Across town, a heart monitor faltered.

‘I’m coming, Tyler. I love you.’

The monitor flatlined.

He picked up the gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry


	16. Time-Stamp

Mrs. Joseph was on the phone when it happened. A bang, shortly followed by a thump onto the floor above her. She froze in the middle of her sentence. The doctor on the other end of the line assumed that she had been overcome by joy, and gave her a moment to recover herself, when in reality she was sinking to the floor on unsteady knees.

A power surge, the doctor had been saying. The machine had faltered and falsely read the monitors on Tyler’s comatose body. They hadn’t had time to assess the situation, they had begun CPR and administered a shot of adrenaline to try to kick start his heart that was actually still pumping.

He woke up within ten minutes.

Well, not woke up, but showed signs of consciousness. When asked to squeeze a finger with his left hand, he could oblige. He seemed to not have any control on the right side, however, and he would most likely never be able to see again, from the way the bullet passed. But, he was alive, and waking up.

He would be okay.

Mrs. Joseph sobbed into the back of her hand, the phone still dangling from the cord on the wall. In the background, she could hear the doctor repeating her name, over and over again. Eventually, there was silence and a dial tone.

The woman pried herself away from the wall where she slumped and stumbled her way up the steps, barely choking back body-wrenching sobs as she struggled to stay upright. She walked into Tyler’s bedroom, hesitating in the doorway.

She hadn’t frequented this room since Tyler tried to kill himself; she made the others clean the bathroom of the blood stains. She simply couldn’t bear it.

Walking into that same bathroom now, she was greeted with a sickeningly familiar seen. A boy, one she called her son, slumped on the white tiles, the blood draining out of a hole in his head. His lifeless hands were still loosely clutched around a pistol; Mrs. Joseph knew in her heart that it was the same one Tyler had used.

Mrs. Joseph fell into a crumpled heap next to the boy’s head. The blood staining the ground began seeping through her pants, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. With shaking hands, she moved to cradle the boy’s head of faded blue hair in her lap.

The boy she had never heard say a single word. The boy who had swept into Tyler’s life and turned him around – or, at least, he had tried. The boy who lived on his own for years, who never once complained. The boy who thanked her too much and never ate quite enough. The boy Tyler had grown to love.

The son she had grown to love.

When Mrs. Joseph’s daughter came home and found them, still seated on the bathroom floor, she had screamed. The screams turned to cries, and the cries to sobs. Mrs. Joseph stirred enough at the sound of her daughter’s cries to gently lay Josh’s head down and usher the girl out of the room. She phoned the hospital, though she didn’t know what for. She knew that Josh was gone.

A team of paramedics arrived in minutes, and left shortly thereafter with Josh zipped neatly into a body bag. They’d take him in for an autopsy, then to the morgue until the family could arrange a funeral, they said. Mrs. Joseph had nodded numbly.

It wasn’t until she was sitting on the bed in Tyler’s room, the bathroom door shut tight, did she think of Josh’s other family. His true mother and father. Mrs. Joseph had no idea where Josh was even from, nor who or where his family lived now. She didn’t even know if they’d want to know if their son was dead.

She thought and pondered, and decided that as a mother, it was her duty to inform them, regardless of their reaction. They deserved to know.

-

Josh’s funeral came and went in the blink of a teary eye. Tyler was still in the hospital, but was growing more and more alert as the days and weeks stretched on. He still had no control over his right side, but could hear and understand conversation. Physical therapy was a struggle, as Tyler still had no ability to communicate with the doctors to tell them what worked.

In the meantime, Mrs. Joseph, paired with the local police station, attempted to trace Josh back through time to his parents. They found a lease on an apartment under his name in Cleveland, traces of him in Cincinnati, and several other towns across Ohio. Eventually, they found a hospital report from a car crash; it detailed how the driver of the vehicle had died, and Josh’s vocal cords had been severely damaged. He would never speak again.

The names listed as parents belonged to Mr. and Mrs. Dun of central Ohio. Mrs. Dun had died a mere year before her son, as it seemed. However, Mr. Dun resided in a psych ward in Cleveland, where he had been nearly since Josh left.

A short drive brought Mrs. Joseph to a friendly room with many tables in the aforementioned ward, during visitation hours.

Mr. Dun looked almost nothing like his late son, save for their eyes. They carried the same weight, the same unrelenting sadness. The sadness in Mr. Dun’s eyes only grew stronger with Mrs. Joseph’s opening sentence: I knew your son.

Before Mrs. Joseph had even finished, the man before her was crying silent tears, his head held in his hands. It had been all his wife, he said. He loved Josh, but his wife would leave him if he didn’t agree with her. The bills had to be paid, he claimed, they had no other options.

Mrs. Joseph, misty eyed herself, stretched her hand across the small table to cover the man’s shaking forearm. He quickly moved to grip her hand with his own, and they cried together over the son they had lost.

-

Tyler returned home after a few long months. He couldn’t see, and he couldn’t walk, but he could form monosyllabic words with a shaky, weak voice. Mrs. Joseph moved his bedroom downstairs, and made Tyler as comfortable as possible.

Tyler knew that Josh wasn’t around anymore, but in his mind, he assumed that he had left. He didn’t quite know how long he had been in the hospital, but Josh may very well have graduated by now. Possibly he was already off in college. Tyler hoped so.

But he didn’t ask. All he knew was that Josh was gone, and Tyler wouldn’t stop him this time.

Sometimes, he wondered if Josh was happy, wherever he was. Tyler knew that he himself wasn’t, but that didn’t matter. It was only Josh.

It was only ever Josh.

-

From the other side of the veil, in a different world with different rules, Josh watched Tyler live out the rest of his life. Even in his crippled state, Tyler lived to be nearly fifty-three. It was agony, waiting out those thirty-five years, but Josh had nothing but time.

At first, he was happy that Tyler had survived. Then, he was infuriated at himself for leaving him alone. Finally, Josh resigned himself to accept the fact that this waiting, these thirty odd years, was his punishment.

Then, the day came that Tyler joined Josh.

Tyler could see again, and use his legs and arms and brain to their full strength. Together, they looked as if they were 18 again.

“I love you, Josh,” Tyler had choked out.

Josh had smiled. “I love you too,” he chimed back, his own voice thick with tears.

Tyler had started as Josh realized this was the first time Tyler had heard him speak.

So, they talked, for hours. About everything, from suicidal teenagers to the stories Josh never got to tell.

And they were happy together, in death, forevermore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only say one thing: wow.  
> I honestly never expected for this story to get even 100 reads, let alone nearly 3,000. I would like to personally thank each and every one of yall that took the time to read through this whirlwind of a fanfic. Thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin a plot twist and death. I am truly and utterly thankful for all of you.  
> I love you all, and I wrote this chapter for all of those who cried over this fic, who stayed up too late to read it and got mad at me when I ended on cliff hangers.  
> I hope you all find your happy endings, just like Tyler and Josh. I hope I find my happy ending too, somewhere in this crazy thing called life.  
> Love always, Maddy


	17. NOT A CHAPTER

I just wanted to post this to say thank you thank you thank you!!!! 5,000 hits????!!!!! 2,000 in less than a month?!?!?! Oh my gosh!!!!!!

Thank you all so much, I am literally speechless.

I'd also like to take time to answer a few questions anyone has regarding characters and the plot, so leave them in the comment section and I'll try my best to answer them!

Thank you so much, I love you all

Thanks for everything

Love always and forever, Maddy


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